2021年9月29日 星期三

The T List: Five things we recommend this week

A painter of expatriate life, an online potion boutique — and more.

Welcome to the T List, a newsletter from the editors of T Magazine. Each week, we share things we're eating, wearing, listening to or coveting now. Sign up here to find us in your inbox every Wednesday. And you can always reach us at tlist@nytimes.com.


Home Away From Home

From left: Wangari Mathenge's "The Ascendants XV (TBT)" (2021) and "The Ascendants XIV (TBT)" (2021).Photo: Brian Griffin. Courtesy of the artist and Pippy Houldsworth Gallery, London. © Wangari Mathenge 2021

By Chantal McStay

T Contributor


The Kenyan-born painter Wangari Mathenge, whose vivid figurative works offer intimate portraits of the diasporic experience, is having her first U.K. solo exhibition at London's Pippy Houldsworth Gallery. The show brings together two series bridging past and present: "The Expats," based on photographs from Mathenge's childhood after her father relocated the family to London in the '70s, and "The Descendants," depicting domestic scenes from the artist's present-day life in Chicago. Remaking the family photos in "The Expats," Mathenge says, helped her "connect with my parents more and better understand colonial Kenya." She was also interested in the racial and class implications of the terms "expat" and "immigrant." In "The Descendants," she explores the idea of home in the absence of one's homeland. The delicately balanced compositions feature contemplative figures alongside personal items containing layers of associations — a statuette of a Masai elder, say, or a teddy bear wearing a scarf. For Mathenge, the moments she renders are microcosms: "It's within a moment in time that you understand a culture, because that culture is just made for that person in that setting." "You Are Here" will be on view from Oct. 12 through Nov. 13, houldsworth.co.uk.


A Clothing Line for Lounge Lizards

Looks from the Commission fall 2021 men's collection.Huy Luong, courtesy of Commission

By Jameson Montgomery

In 2018, New School grads Dylan Cao, Jin Kay and Huy Luong founded Commission, a women's wear label specializing in business-casual staples with contemporary flourishes like graphic prints and lace and fringe trim. Now, after requests from customers and retailers alike, they're launching a men's line, the governing principle of which is that, as Cao puts it, "we would never offer a piece we wouldn't wear ourselves." The designers were inspired by the loucher side of the '70s, and the resulting collection is rife with darkly sensual undertones. Though the relaxed suiting and striped knit polos feel lifted from 1975, luxe updates emerge upon closer inspection: What appear to be high-pile mohair pullovers are in fact pure cashmere; jacket lapels are notched low; and coat collars come extended on one side with a flap that buttons. From $430, ssense.com.



A Psychedelic Portraitist Rediscovered

From left: Kali's "Debbie with Kitty Green #1" (1969) and "Young Boy" (1968).Courtesy of Staley-Wise Gallery and the Joan Archibald "Kali" photograph and papers collection from the Rose Library at Emory University

By Coralie Kraft

T Contributor

In the summer of 1962, having recently divorced at the age of 30, Joan Archibald left her two young children with her ex-husband in Long Island and set out for the shores of Malibu, California. ("My mom needed to expand herself," Archibald's daughter Susan explained many years later.) There she shed her former life as a housewife, rebaptizing herself "Kali," brushing shoulders with celebrities and photographing the scene around her. After moving into a house in Palm Springs with a pool, she began using it as a giant finishing bath for her photos, pouring various dyes and paints into it until she'd achieved the desired effects. Flooded with swirling, multilayered psychedelic hues, Kali's portraits, often of wide-eyed young women, can feel like the ultimate distillation of an expansive, naïve and chaotic place and time. Despite her innovative techniques, her work has remained almost entirely unknown, but can now be seen in a new volume, "Kali," by Powerhouse Books. $100, powerhousebooks.com.


Sudanese Scents

Left: Potion No. 5: Very Black candles. Right: Potion No. 4: Azza candle.Left: Justin Fulton. Right: Wyatt Gallery

By Kristina Samulewski


A scented candle has the power to transform a space and, by extension, a mood — something that becomes more important as the days get shorter. Founded by Azza Gallab in 2015, Haremesque is an online candle boutique that pays homage to the rich aromatic culture of Gallab's ancestral homeland, Sudan, a historic center of the fragrance trade. Based on oils and perfumes procured over the course of her extensive travels, the fueling "potions" are hand-poured in Gallab's Brooklyn home studio and ensconced in elegant ceramic vessels. They come in six individually crafted scents, such as the aptly named Azza — a local colloquialism for "Sudan," in tribute to the woman who led the fight against British colonial rule — which is infused with mahogany, sandalwood and cedar, and drizzled with Madagascar bourbon vanilla atop oakmoss and Nubian musk. From $125, haremesque.com.


Kiddie Couture

Looks from the Row's new collection of children's wear.Clara Balzary

By Angela Koh

The understated luxury label the Row launched in 2006 with high-quality basics, and since then, its meticulous designs and anti-trend approach have gained the brand a devoted following. This week, it launches a children's line for kids ages 2-10. The five-piece capsule collection includes a front-tie cardigan, joggers and velvet Friulanes with soles made from sturdy recycled tires for durability. Designed to mix and match, the knits are made with Italian-sourced cashmere and available in four colors, including cobalt blue and amber orange. The gender-fluid pieces are minimally designed and free of unnecessary hardware. From $390, therow.com.


An Artist Finds Beauty Between the Cracks

The artist Agnès Debizet with one of her ceramic lamps.Gautier Billotte

"I didn't fit in the traditional ceramics scene, and without a degree from the École des Beaux-Arts, I wasn't really accepted in France as an artist," says the sculptor Agnès Debizet. Over time, though, she developed a distinctive technique that has come to define her work: She paints black earthenware slip into cracks and imperfections in the porcelain glaze of her stoneware sculptures, producing a raku-like effect. These fractures are a result of the exceptionally high temperature at which Debizet fires her work, which can cause splinters and even explosions in the kiln. "I'm always tweaking, making mistakes and trying again," she says. "In a way, these layers of uncertainty and error are my artistic identity." Here, the artist shows off her signature technique as she creates a whimsical ceramic lamp at her studio in the French village of Saint-Maurice-aux-Riches-Hommes. Read the full story at tmagazine.com, and follow us on Instagram.

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Is ‘Momsomnia’ Keeping You Up at Night?

There is help for parental sleep problems.

Is 'Momsomnia' Keeping You Up at Night?

Nadia Hafid

Every night the same thing happens in my household. My husband falls asleep effortlessly, sometimes while we're watching TV in bed and usually while he is still wearing his glasses. Meanwhile, I need an elaborate winding-down ritual that involves rereading beloved, calming books and cranking up the white noise. And even after that, it can take me hours to drop off.

Even though it's not his fault that he's a good sleeper, it makes me absolutely furious. How dare he snore softly and contentedly while I am rustling around under the sheets like a dog trying to find her comfy spot! My daughters, who share a room with each other, have an identical dynamic: The older one struggles to fall asleep, and it drives her mad that the younger one passes out right away.

One of the great joys of my role as a columnist is that when I have a family problem like this, I can call up an expert and ask them for advice; that advice can apply to other moms and dads, too, because I hear constantly from readers that sleep is an issue for them. So I got in touch with Shelby Harris, an assistant professor of neurology and psychiatry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, who specializes in behavioral sleep medicine, about common sleep issues for parents and how to fix them. (Dr. Harris also has an extremely helpful Instagram, @sleepdocshelby.)

In this condensed and edited conversation, we also touch on revenge bedtime procrastination, and whether sleep issues are heritable.

Jessica Grose: Why are parents typically coming to see you?

Shelby Harris: A lot of the parents that I work with will say to me, "Even though my baby started sleeping through the night, I stopped sleeping." A lot of moms — some dads, but mostly moms — almost become hard-wired to listening for what I call "sleep threats." For example, if their kid is going to cry or come and get them. Even after the threat is gone, they continue to have trouble with sleep because they're so conditioned to listening.

J.G.: How do you start to recondition that response, which honestly feels sort of primal?

S.H.: With these patients we'll do cognitive behavioral therapy (C.B.T.) for insomnia: Part of that therapy involves challenging thoughts like, "Well, if I do go to sleep, something could happen," and looking at the actual evidence of what does happen when you're asleep. How often are bad things happening?


It's really about using C.B.T. to train your body to get deeper sleep, and to not have long awakenings in the middle of the night. A lot of people wake up in the middle of the night and then they're just on their phone.

J.G.: I'm definitely guilty of falling into TikTok at 2 a.m. Instead of looking at their phones, what can parents do that might help keep them in sleep mode?

S.H.: I'm a big fan of practicing meditation during the day. Even if you do it for two minutes, you get better at it, and it can help you in the middle of the night. You can learn to recognize when your brain is getting puppy-dog active, and be able to focus in the moment.

J.G.: Something that comes up a lot in my household is how to get better sleep when you share your bed. My husband falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, then starts snoring, and it drives me bananas.


S.H.: If you're someone who is a little sensitive to sleeping, and then you have someone snoring next to you, all you do is focus on it because that's a potential disrupter to your sleep — it's one of those sleep threats I was talking about.

Having an honest conversation with your significant other is the first step. If the significant other is really snoring to the point where it's problematic, that's a discussion of: Maybe you should get evaluated. Maybe you need to see if there's something going on, because sleep apnea is super common; for men, especially.

Sometimes I recommend people sleep separately until the snoring gets fixed. Start in the bed together, have sex, do whatever you want. But then when it's actually bedtime, sleeping separately can be freeing.

We have to let go of the idea that if you sleep in the bed together, you have a healthy marriage. Sometimes it's actually healthier to say: "You know what? We both have very different sleep styles." If you have a partner who is unwilling to do anything about it, then it's more of a relationship issue that has to get addressed.


If the snoring is not very loud, noise-canceling earbuds or a white noise machine can be enough for some people.

J.G.: My little pro tip is that I put a white noise machine on my iPad and I put it in bed between us.

S.H.: That's one thing you can definitely do. But if the snoring is loud enough that you're still hearing it through headphones, that person probably needs to get evaluated.

J.G.: Are sleep issues heritable? I see my older daughter having the same sort of difficulty getting to sleep that I have always had.

SH: There is a heritable component to it. For some people, it could be more of an anxiety issue that's being passed down. For some families, it may just be that you have more of a night-owl gene.

Then it's also, what are you talking about around your kids? A lot of parents who have insomnia, they put a great focus on sleep because they're talking about it a lot, and sometimes their kids internalize it a lot too.

J.G.: If you had one key to better sleep, what would it be?

S.H.: Consistency. That's all. Just trying to be consistent with a bedtime and a wake time as often as you can. Adding onto that, I always say consistently try to allow yourself at least a half-hour to wind your brain down. Because a lot of parents are just running, running, running. If you don't have time to actually decompress and relax for a half-hour, good luck getting to sleep fast and getting good-quality sleep at night.

J.G.: I'm sure you've heard of revenge bedtime procrastination? Last night I spent a solid hour looking at throw pillows on the internet when I should have been sleeping.

S.H.: I wrote about revenge bedtime procrastination in my book a few years ago, but I called it "momsomnia." A lot of the parents I work with, they just want a few hours to themselves to do whatever they want, and I get it. I do that myself.

But if you can get to sleep at a routine time, you're going to be more effective at the things you do in your day. Make time to watch TV, look at throw pillows, do whatever you want, but try not to sacrifice sleep on a regular basis because you're going to end up having more problems in the long run.

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Tiny Victories

Parenting can be a grind. Let's celebrate the tiny victories.

We play hide-and-seek in the morning. I let him hide while I count really slowly to give me time to get dressed, and he loves the build-up and anticipation. — Evan Davies, Americus, Ga.

If you want a chance to get your Tiny Victory published, find us on Instagram @NYTparenting and use the hashtag #tinyvictories; email us; or enter your Tiny Victory at the bottom of this page. Include your full name and location. Tiny Victories may be edited for clarity and style. Your name, location and comments may be published, but your contact information will not. By submitting to us, you agree that you have read, understand and accept the Reader Submission Terms in relation to all of the content and other information you send to us.

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